amazing<3

today,
humanity became amazing again
i saw the most extraordinary kind of love there is
a lady came on the bus
and she had this like stuffed animal with her
and so the bus almost starts moving
and you see this like six year old boy run thru traffic across the street screaming stop stop stop
he goes in front of the departing bus
and hes like stop
and he walks on the bus walks to the lady and was like
hey thats my little sisters doll
i look across the street and there she was like a one year old
and he walked off the bus crossed the street to his sister
and handed the animal.

he will do great things some day.

seven letter world

january 26, 2009
at 1:00 a.m.
he said forever.

&theworldstopped;

who am i to say that you should love me

wow,
what a day

aha,
whoooooo. lets discuss
shall we?
final final final final final
that i FAILED
then that stooopid teacher
gahh i feel like such a failure you dont even know.
like seriously i think im going to have to take like four classes over.
and is LIKE WTF!

then i came home, and wow.
its scary how much i care, how much he affects me.
honestly,
the world says all this crap that it honestly doesnt even mean. we act different when we know someone is watching us, we tell different stories when we know who is going to hear it.
i wish the world could try something new,
its called radical honesty
to speak your mind
exactly whats on it
to tell the truth, period.
ANYWAYS, back to the point, we all say what we dont mean.
but today, me and alysa came to the realization that i mean what i say, if anything what i say are understatements.
not to be an overdramatic fifteen year old, but when i say id do anything for him
i mean it like when you say "i love you momma."


the average person lies three times per ten minutes of conversation

&so the lion ate the damn lamb.

so like im tired.
i took a long ass nap, but im tired.

do you know that feeling?
that feeling like you have to protect a person.
its like when u attack a lions family member
and they kill you
that feeling of just instinct that the person is just sooo important that
you NEED to keep them safe?

i had that feeling last night.
something hurt him,
i let something hurt him.

how could i? ya kno?
i dont want to sleep
because i cant.

he needs to be safe.

&history;

i am going to go all over the place today
i feel like being insanely off topic.

what if the world ended tomoro?
would you be satisfied? would you have done everything that you wanted to accomplish at the age that you are right now?
i honestly doubt it.
so why is that we continue to live as if we have all the time in the world
we might not even have tomoro
so why stress the little things why not love as much as you can because as much as it hurts
its worth it.
the world could be worth it, if we made it worth it.

i smiled today, but yet nothing had made my day.
there was nothing that made me say DAMN this is why i got out of bed. but now i realize i am one day more into my friends hearts i got to see people live one more day, thats enough.
well it should be.

no one has the right to tell anyone You Have Not Made It, You Are Not Going To Be A Success
because success is different to everyone.

i am capable of having none hormonal thoughts and actions, i am capable of knowing that i love him. the world cannot tell me its untrue its unreal because no one is experiencing it quite like you are.

true love never dies, and true friends never leave.

smile, or not.

today
was a day of a fiasco.
we had a tutorial today,
yes mother fuhreeking beeken >.<
well,
at the end he started talking about the future for us scholars lmao lies
but he said 10 out of 40 of us will actually make it.
will actually survive the college life and make it.
he said ill tell you right now if your not at one with yourself, youre never going to make it.
i started to cry,
ive never felt at one with myself.
he also started talking about how proud he is of people,
cause theyve grown so much,
and i sat there because i felt indifferent
i felt like a failure.
i didnt get any better
i wasnt better
i wasnt good.
and now, im crying again
its quite pathetic, but i mean its such an imense amount of pressure AND I JUST FAIL.
idk...........who i am.


all i know, is that i love him.

I WANT!

a make your own bead bracelet thingy!
please please please please please please please please please please please please please pleaseplease pleaseplease please please please please please please please please please please pleaseplease pleaseplease please please please please please please pleaseplease please please please
....
if you love me:D

THE RAINBOW KIND!

im sorry im sorry im sorry NOT

lets see....
random topic
teen love and parents.
hah nailed it.
well teen love is described sometimes as impetuous and not real
well id like to say that i think that its the most powerful kind of love there is
because think about it,
when do you find an adult willing to do what teenagers do for the one they love
when do you ever see and adult being totally and completely selfless on one whim they get
you dont well at least i dont
my dad says it isnt real
ya kno teen love he says its hormones
but,
it must be pretty damn strong when we are willing to do stuff they wouldnt even consider based on how we feel
IT MUST BE PRETTY DAMN REAL TO US
so what does it matter
thats love.
so for them to say it isnt real
i honestly beg to differ
because the next time you say eff what i want i want what they want i just want them to be happy they dont even have to be with him just as long as theyre are happy
tell me how old you feel
cause i thought age never really mattered

its just another number.

you were always the one<3

lalala
ihatethis.
first and foremost
i just want him to hold me like GAAAAAH
like i just feel safe and welcomed
ive never been happier
im so happy that im terrified its too good to be true
that god is playing some sick twisted joke
but im SOOOO going to enjoy this while i can.
thats the good part,
FUCK MY FATHER
damn sometimes im just like DUDE
LET ME BE HAPPY
he just has to go and ruin it
things are fine dont fix somthing that isnt broken.
grrr its an annoyance of my life plus his life is just fuhreekn stoopid man i suhwear
he doesnt realize the effects he truly has on me
and he just keeps fucking it all up
and all i do is sit there and watch because he wants me to
i feel like screaming
JUST STOP ALREADY
................
i have to get better and school
im fucking up pretty bad
i think i am tho
so GOOD JOB
so so so proud



I CANT BELIEVE ATIK DIDNT TELL ME!
GRRR!