fkn HATERS.

I'm sick of people treating me like im stupid.
I'm NOT.
if anything im smarter than them.
i'm in gate and freshman year i had a straight FOUR POINT OH BITCH.

some people have become so used to me being a failure, just because sophomore year i decided FUCK IT, its NOT worth it. well this is what i have to say, FUCK YOU.

For one, stop worrying about me, and worry about you; maybe THATS WHY you suck. What does it matter if im better than you, it changes NOTHING about you. If everyone compared themself to everyone SO MANY PEOPLE would have gave up, stopped trying, failed. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE BETTER.

succeeding is knowing you tried your best, not being the best.
GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF, get the FUCK OVER ME.

I hate competitive students, people in general. ITS STUPID. Trying to see who is the best, who gives A FLYING FUCK.
And if this was a war, I would have told you that you better go and get your armor.



Today, my mom told me she had to take my brother and sister to the emergency room. They're in Hawaii...do you know how that made me feel? I felt useless. Like i let them down. I wasnt there to protect them....i promised...i would always protect them-always.

AND ALSO, fuck this bitch, my daddy's baby's mama.

whip it.

today, sucked balls.
well not like school day
it was aiight...
but i mean,...
have you ever had to say goodbye to your best friend.

like...someone you promised that youd always be there?
...well im here to tell you
IT BLOWS

so i know i havent written a blog in a while.
maybe cause im too busy doing shit that wont even make a difference later
BUT, hey im getting this shit out now

IM FAT. and i hate it.
and fuck my life
my dads gf is pregnant!
great...another kid to take care of..

whats different is that im kinda getting okay with my mom
but, i still gots me a step douche so it cant last forever.
im still day dreaming through life.

like nothing matters, like i dont have a memorable day.
i dont have friends, im just there. physically NEVER mentally.


schools hard, lifes a bitch, i guess i gotta get the fuck over it.


IM NOT A WHORE, BUT I LIKE TO DO IT.(:
<3warrior princess

mama you're a liar

maybe im crazy
maybe im a cry baby
maybe im over dramatic
or MAYBE
everything piles up and i crack
daily

so yea...im crying as always
my excuse this time is that my hair is too short and that im fat and ugly
i kept cutting my hair cause of the split ends and now its short kinda
and im fat
im a whale
and i hate myself
i cant do anything right
i cant be anything right
i need a credit card
i need to be alone
and just cry
and
i just want the pain to go away
just make the pain go away
i dont want to feel anymore....

make it go away...i surrender.

if it makes you happy, it cant be that bad

if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?

i just finished watching american pie, so i could stop crying
and then i watched crossroads cause i wanted to
and through the process i ate a pint of chunky monkey.
the whole thing..

why am i sad?
my dad called me..
and told me to have more RESPECT for myself
i know...its IRONIC
the one person who has basically spent all of my life
deteriorating my self esteem and breaking me down
and NOT respecting me
tells me that i should have more respect for myself

he tells me that hes not going to do anything for my birthday
and that were going to have a talk
and that im in trouble
because i dont deserve to have anything for my birthday

you know...he ruined my fifteenth birthday and now hes taking this one down with it.

all of this because i went to alexs house
which btw my mom lets me
she calls his house and makes sure his mom is there
i came home early that day too
because someone died
so my dad...can go suck it.

im not going to his house like i was supposed to
my money is gone because my mom thought she wasnt going to have me for my birthday
my summer sucks...
everything sucks...

i want to go to sleep and never wake up
happy early birthday evadne.

girl meets world

eff your mom
thats right i said
i mean your dad did it!
ahh
okay im sorry that was totally uncalled for.

but i just hate is so much when people say that i cant think for myself. I AM VERY CAPABLE THANK YOU. i mean what gives you the right to judge me HUH HUH
exactly, thats what i thought.

omfg, what he wrote in his blog was so totally mean. i mean how could he not have faith that were going to be okay i mean if he doesnt how am i supposed to ? ya kno?
how does he really feel..
gosh, i thought it was done.

but damn that cory matthews DAMN HIM !

finding nemo.

sometimes,
i get stupid.well, most of the time i am. and right now, im just a scared little girl in a candy shop who lost her mom. im freaking out, and i dont know what to do; but when do i ever?

im scared. i do that. im terrified. a-LEE-sa says not to be because things happen for a reason, but what if i dont like the end result. i just want MY alex to hold me. the one i knew the one that loved me. i want HIM to tell me its okay, but idk. maybe a-LEE-sa is right, maybe in the end this will make us stronger.

but im so scared shitless. what did i do? this whole time ive realized whats been happening like ten minutes later. its ridiculous. idk whats going on anymore. im out of control. my life isnt in my hands anymore.

i just want to die.

cant you just let me be.

dear evadne,

im sorry to say this, but no matter how hard you try its useless. he is a part of you now and you cant help it. your stupid for even asking for help. your doomed to a place where nothing else matters, a place where you dont matter. you are now at the feet of someone elses feelings, and all you can do is hope you are recognized.

you love him. so much, its unhealthy. hes your everything, and im sorry he cant realize it. im sorry you cry and im sorry your in pain. you knew this was coming, did you stop it? no. you couldnt. sure, you are a strong girl, but that isnt up to you. not anymore. your his, and that is the end.

because you are evadne, and you love to love. you chose to love him, now embrace it, because you cant run away evadne, not anymore.
Good Luck.

just shut up and put your money where your mouth is

im going to tear up this town, im sick of getting treated less than the rest. i mean i thought i waited, i thought i cried, and i thought i was destroyed just as much as everyone else. if anything, even more. so how is this fair?

im sick of all these couples and theyre cutsie shit. like maybe not cutsie shit but im sick of their stories being so amazing and then having to hear about them. i always tell jesse, im like FUCK ihateyou.

and i just saw dillon's page, and im like oh my shit man. like wtf who is seriously like that. oh wait diana and DILLON. eff you bitches.

i want to tell amazing stories, i want to feel amazing for once.
yea, sure its nice that i hear it, sure i say i believe you and sometimes i do. but maybe just maybe i want to feel it like i deserve it. cause i do. dont i?

im sick of all this bullshit, all it is, is bullshit. shut up and say what you mean. i mean why put people down i mean really WHY does it make you feel just so damn good? just so damn powerful? your stupid. it only hurts you. BECAUSE I AM AMAZING, right ?

fuck your lies.

dead

it was fake..

i wasnt stupid

it was all a lie..

wtf am i doing........

IF THIS ISNT REAL WHY AM I HERE ?!

this isnt real
so whats going on...
ITS ALL A LIE
ALL OF IT
EVERYTHING HE SAID EVERYTHING I LEARNED
ITS FAKE
ITS ALL SO FAKE
GOD......
FUCK IT ALL..

oh, bees

i hate that my phone is broken
i hate that my texting is blocked
i hate that imisshim
why cant i just have him.
the world is unfair
i kinda already knew that, but oh well.

today we took our last ap test
and my buddah we did it
we raped it; we won it, it did not win us.

im proud of us because we ARE magnificent.
i just love tiffany ong and julia tran.
their my favorites(:

jessica hayne made cookies like psh, who ELSE.
LOL:]

i believe we are all magnificent.

no matter how much you know or you dont, you CAN do it.
we all can.

smoke and mirrors

i can be a bitch, i really can.
i know it. i don't try and deny it like some people.

im sick of those sneaky people that talk so much crap behind your back.
and to your face, they just,...they lie.
i mean are they sooo scared of telling the truth?
because if people saw the real bitch that they are they wouldnt have friends.
well,
i think it would be better if people loved you for the truth, because then...are you really friends?
No.

im the kind of person that is straight done with your shit if i find out your talking it.
no excuses to give, we all have them.
no explaining, cause IDGAF.

people may be like man your a bitch, but honestly its THEIR loss.
because no matter what happens the shit the fights the drama
if your a person who is consistent with your character, ill ALWAYS be there to catch you when you fall, friends or not.
everyone deserves someone.
and YOU just dont deserve me.

i love people like
GRACE
atik
diana
and shereen
tahani
jed
alysa
estefani
v&v
your mom.
ETC.
JULIA TRAN
priskilla
and pooja of period four
theres more obviously but my mind is just like lajfdkljakljdfkla
why are girls such bitches
i mean guys

they dont CARE
theyre straight in your face
theres no backstabbing.

i need to let this out..

you are a bitch
a slut..honestly
a fucken poser
wannabe
stupid
drama QUEEN
FAKE
a liar
coniving
so stuck up
selfish
but....this is my blog
and sometimes i have to be mean i have to let it out
i wouldnt say this to your face
cause i have more self control than that

because youre also human and you also have feelings
and i hope you improve your ways before you lose everything
because not even YOU deserves that...

i hope the people that read this dont think of me as a horrible person
im simply human
and so are they
i may forgive them in time
but right now im upset and i have the right to be
i dont want to be
but its life

and its such a bitch.

pads are 25 cents and tampons are free

so,
today...
sucked hairy monkey balls

my phone broke
i failed my math quiz
i started my period
and i had to realize again that my boyfriend has no hope in me

vote diana for vp
iloveher.

i havent written in here for a while...so i was writing poems so i decided for the days i wasnt writing ill just post em up
cause thats basically my other way of releasing i guess

what in the world am i going to do about my phone...
like seriously
IT BROKE
anyone who knows me knows that my phone is a big part of me.

I ACTUALLY GOT ALGEBRA TWO TODAY CAN I GET A WHA WHA !! LOL
idk why i put LOL im not laughing
im actually in a very bad mood

i hate that girls have to go thru everything
we have babies
periods
boobs that go up and down when you run
we have to shave
TRUST THAT IT TAKES TIME
we need to worry about our hair OUR EVERYTHING
we have to be pretty in every little part of us
when guys....have to shower and stick their penis in things...ITS UNFAIR


i hate feeling like shit cause of my boyfriend
like sometimes i dont wanna try cause he never had faith in me to begin with
its like i try soo hard but effort never matters
its like what beeken has on his thing.
when im right
no one remembers
and when im wrong
no one forgets

i hate saying its not my fault
so i avoid it
but sometimes i wanna scream it to the world
but then again
THE WORLD DOESNT CARE
everyone has their own shit

excuses are like asses
everyone has one
and shit is all that comes out.

pocket full of miracles

i guess its my fault
they say you always control the outcome, no matter what.
so is it my fault?

did i somehow provoke this?
was it me that caused my own heart to ache.
well no one cares enough to tell me the answer. because we all have our own fucking problems ya know?
its like when your walking past someone and you ask "how are you?"
do you really want to know?
i honestly doubt it, we fake sincerity
just like he fakes the sincerity of being sorry..or maybe its the cause.
maybe its me.
it is me.

i find myself not forgiving because im never forgetting.
for some reason i always tend to think back...its a curse.
it really is a curse to be able to remember each exact little thing people say.
because sometimes i wish people were able to lie to me just so i dont feel the pain of them actually lying.
then again i wish people did not have to lie.

its like if you know your going to regret it, why even do it? why try and hide as long as you can? is it worth it?
thats really the question...worth.
and i think most of us dont want to know the answer.

i hate when people do those things, where like once they do it theyre already planning how to explain it. because it isnt like they dont know its bad because theyre already planning how to excuse themselves.
honestly, i hate excuses i mean excuses are like asses everyone has one and only shit comes out.

maybe i ask to much of humanity
maybe im the flaw of humanity
maybe just maybe...

andreina reynoso

M!! DR0P D34D G0RG30UZ 0N3
i love her to death.
shes just an amazing sweet person all around.
she freaks me in her bed lmao!
i can trust her no matter what!
shes there no matter what.
what more can i ask for?
350 calories !! [[insider]]
btw. we're sexier than miguel!

lalala choices

today,
something was wrong with me
according to the great beeken...x]]

and to be honest something is wrong with me, but what he was talking about
wasnt
my lack of sleep
my hunger
my pain in my stomach
my boredom
.....it was something else
and beeken knew
i knew on some level but i didnt really think of myself to figure it out

im so sick of people saying im perfect
the great miss suzzette has flaws big ones

secret to life:
you can achieve if you ask,believe, and recieve
i was under the impression that i had a problem with the believing part and i do.
but i guess i have more of a problem with the asking part
i wanna feel the universe bend to meet my needs...

i had an enlightened moment...
i realized that i dont care
about ya kno....everything
cause hes my boyfriend
and a boyfriend is someone you trust completely
and i do trust him completely
idk i wasnt even really worrying i just wanted to be mad at someone
and it was the perfect opportunity..so i was.
but im not really.

someone tell me
x=kisses and o= hugs
right?

i have to do friday reports and if i suck i cant do anything on the weekend
but i cant get mad at my mom because its my actions
she planned this...true story. ahaha

bahumbug the meaning of life to you?
money
love
unity
success
family
idk
tell me so i can figure out mine.

premium original saltine crackers

there will be an answer, let it be.
humans like myself
can be very very pessimistic
a pessemist is someone who is disappointed in the future no matter what the present is

dont be afraid
dont carry the world upon your shoulders
dont put yourself down

when i will pick you up
when i will make you thee world
when i will keep you safe

there are people that affect me, they affect me dearly
and those people cannot do anything, anything at all that does not effect me

alex bleeds, i have this instinct to run for a band aid and fix it
tahani crys, i have this instinct to make her smile and hug the breath out of her
a-LEE-sa thinks, i have this instinct to hope to god its something wonderful; it would make my day to see it.

the seasons change the earth cries and it eventually all dries up
rain does not stop life, drought does not repulse life, it is life.

in the end everything will be okay so why do you continue to worry?, why do we all?
this week was a difficult one, that i can honestly say
i continue to be nothing without him
i continue to want nothing but him
i continue to breathe for no one but him
the only i escape i have from this....suicide

but here is the thing what if death could not even seperate us, ever day my love grows and every day this becomes more and more reality.


open up your eyes baby come out to play.

amazing<3

today,
humanity became amazing again
i saw the most extraordinary kind of love there is
a lady came on the bus
and she had this like stuffed animal with her
and so the bus almost starts moving
and you see this like six year old boy run thru traffic across the street screaming stop stop stop
he goes in front of the departing bus
and hes like stop
and he walks on the bus walks to the lady and was like
hey thats my little sisters doll
i look across the street and there she was like a one year old
and he walked off the bus crossed the street to his sister
and handed the animal.

he will do great things some day.

seven letter world

january 26, 2009
at 1:00 a.m.
he said forever.

&theworldstopped;

who am i to say that you should love me

wow,
what a day

aha,
whoooooo. lets discuss
shall we?
final final final final final
that i FAILED
then that stooopid teacher
gahh i feel like such a failure you dont even know.
like seriously i think im going to have to take like four classes over.
and is LIKE WTF!

then i came home, and wow.
its scary how much i care, how much he affects me.
honestly,
the world says all this crap that it honestly doesnt even mean. we act different when we know someone is watching us, we tell different stories when we know who is going to hear it.
i wish the world could try something new,
its called radical honesty
to speak your mind
exactly whats on it
to tell the truth, period.
ANYWAYS, back to the point, we all say what we dont mean.
but today, me and alysa came to the realization that i mean what i say, if anything what i say are understatements.
not to be an overdramatic fifteen year old, but when i say id do anything for him
i mean it like when you say "i love you momma."


the average person lies three times per ten minutes of conversation

&so the lion ate the damn lamb.

so like im tired.
i took a long ass nap, but im tired.

do you know that feeling?
that feeling like you have to protect a person.
its like when u attack a lions family member
and they kill you
that feeling of just instinct that the person is just sooo important that
you NEED to keep them safe?

i had that feeling last night.
something hurt him,
i let something hurt him.

how could i? ya kno?
i dont want to sleep
because i cant.

he needs to be safe.

&history;

i am going to go all over the place today
i feel like being insanely off topic.

what if the world ended tomoro?
would you be satisfied? would you have done everything that you wanted to accomplish at the age that you are right now?
i honestly doubt it.
so why is that we continue to live as if we have all the time in the world
we might not even have tomoro
so why stress the little things why not love as much as you can because as much as it hurts
its worth it.
the world could be worth it, if we made it worth it.

i smiled today, but yet nothing had made my day.
there was nothing that made me say DAMN this is why i got out of bed. but now i realize i am one day more into my friends hearts i got to see people live one more day, thats enough.
well it should be.

no one has the right to tell anyone You Have Not Made It, You Are Not Going To Be A Success
because success is different to everyone.

i am capable of having none hormonal thoughts and actions, i am capable of knowing that i love him. the world cannot tell me its untrue its unreal because no one is experiencing it quite like you are.

true love never dies, and true friends never leave.

smile, or not.

today
was a day of a fiasco.
we had a tutorial today,
yes mother fuhreeking beeken >.<
well,
at the end he started talking about the future for us scholars lmao lies
but he said 10 out of 40 of us will actually make it.
will actually survive the college life and make it.
he said ill tell you right now if your not at one with yourself, youre never going to make it.
i started to cry,
ive never felt at one with myself.
he also started talking about how proud he is of people,
cause theyve grown so much,
and i sat there because i felt indifferent
i felt like a failure.
i didnt get any better
i wasnt better
i wasnt good.
and now, im crying again
its quite pathetic, but i mean its such an imense amount of pressure AND I JUST FAIL.
idk...........who i am.


all i know, is that i love him.

I WANT!

a make your own bead bracelet thingy!
please please please please please please please please please please please please please pleaseplease pleaseplease please please please please please please please please please please pleaseplease pleaseplease please please please please please please pleaseplease please please please
....
if you love me:D

THE RAINBOW KIND!

im sorry im sorry im sorry NOT

lets see....
random topic
teen love and parents.
hah nailed it.
well teen love is described sometimes as impetuous and not real
well id like to say that i think that its the most powerful kind of love there is
because think about it,
when do you find an adult willing to do what teenagers do for the one they love
when do you ever see and adult being totally and completely selfless on one whim they get
you dont well at least i dont
my dad says it isnt real
ya kno teen love he says its hormones
but,
it must be pretty damn strong when we are willing to do stuff they wouldnt even consider based on how we feel
IT MUST BE PRETTY DAMN REAL TO US
so what does it matter
thats love.
so for them to say it isnt real
i honestly beg to differ
because the next time you say eff what i want i want what they want i just want them to be happy they dont even have to be with him just as long as theyre are happy
tell me how old you feel
cause i thought age never really mattered

its just another number.

you were always the one<3

lalala
ihatethis.
first and foremost
i just want him to hold me like GAAAAAH
like i just feel safe and welcomed
ive never been happier
im so happy that im terrified its too good to be true
that god is playing some sick twisted joke
but im SOOOO going to enjoy this while i can.
thats the good part,
FUCK MY FATHER
damn sometimes im just like DUDE
LET ME BE HAPPY
he just has to go and ruin it
things are fine dont fix somthing that isnt broken.
grrr its an annoyance of my life plus his life is just fuhreekn stoopid man i suhwear
he doesnt realize the effects he truly has on me
and he just keeps fucking it all up
and all i do is sit there and watch because he wants me to
i feel like screaming
JUST STOP ALREADY
................
i have to get better and school
im fucking up pretty bad
i think i am tho
so GOOD JOB
so so so proud



I CANT BELIEVE ATIK DIDNT TELL ME!
GRRR!